UPDATED ON: July 25, 2024
Is it time to silence your inner critic and stop fearing what others think about you?
Most of us are familiar with the fear of judgment. It occurs when we give too much power to other people’s opinions and allow external factors to cloud our perceptions. This fear of being judged becomes so overwhelming that it causes social anxiety, which hinders our ability to embrace the present moment and find joy in our lives.
According to Elizabeth R. Thornton’s research, 23.4% of participants admitted to misjudging someone based on appearance two or three times per month, while 4.7% said they misjudged someone daily simply based on their looks. Science shows that it takes 0.1 seconds to form an opinion about someone, indicating how quickly we judge and misjudge others. So, why do we care so much about what other people think?
From an evolutionary perspective, our desire for acceptance and love drives us to seek approval from others. The evaluations we receive from others can impact our well-being and livelihood. While praise leads to inclusion within a community, negative judgments could result in rejection and decreased chances of survival. Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the “fear of negative evaluation.”
This fear of being outcasted doesn’t hold the survival significance it once did for our ancestors. This illustrates that fear of judgment is an acquired fear, something we learn over time, not something we are born with; it stems from our interactions and experiences. The good news is that we can reprogram this fear and overcome it.
Here are five practical strategies to conquer your fear of judgment and stop worrying about others’ opinions:
1. Be careful who you listen to
Ignoring every opinion you receive can be challenging, so filtering out the noise from valuable input becomes crucial.
When receiving criticism from others, consider their relationship to you. Is it someone you respect? Do they work in the same field as you? Is it someone who shows up and puts himself out there at the same level as you? Are they facing similar challenges and striving for the same goals?
If the person offering criticism knows little about you, lacks insight into your work, or hides behind anonymity online, then their opinion should carry no weight or have at least little impact on you. As Brené Brown eloquently says, “If you are not in the arena, I don’t care about your opinion.”
On the flip side, the opinion of someone who knows you well or is involved in a similar line of work, essentially, someone who shares your “arena,” holds greater significance. Getting feedback, suggestions, or guidance from peers in your industry offers the opportunity for appreciative conversations, constructive criticism, mutual empathy and understanding, and a chance to learn and grow.
2. Stand up to your inner critic
We live in a society with a substantial deficit bias. We tend to focus on what’s wrong with us while overlooking our strengths. We become experts at pinpointing problems, hosting self-pity parties, and fixating on our shortcomings and mistakes. This behavior gives power to our inner critic, who feeds on our feelings of shame, comparison, scarcity, and rejection while reinforcing our negative thought processes.
By acknowledging your tendencies towards self-criticism and recognizing the voice of your inner critic, you can begin to question what triggers these thoughts and where they stem from:
- Is it an old story that keeps you stuck in negativity?
- Is it a hurtful conversation that continues to haunt you?
- Do you feel trapped by a label someone has placed on you, making it hard to break free?
When you decide to change your thoughts and feelings about yourself, you will discover the courage to listen to your internal dialogue.
The key is not to ignore your inner critic but to listen to its perspective without letting it control you. Elizabeth Gilbert eloquently advises, “Give it a voice, not a vote.” By doing so, you acknowledge how your fears have distorted your reality and realize the influence others have had on you by echoing the falsehoods as your inner critic. Transformation occurs when you listen kindly, empower yourself to let go of what does not serve you, and move forward.
3. Don’t let people define you
The undeniable truth is that you are meant for greatness. There is only one version of you in the universe. Despite this awareness, many of us remain small and paralyzed by fear. External opinions easily influence us, leading us to doubt ourselves instead of trusting our potential.
It takes practice to stand firm without allowing others to define the extent of your talents and the brilliance of your gifts. By taking daily action – even a tiny step – and staying committed to your goals, you reshape your beliefs and gradually loosen the grip others have on you over time.
Remember, fear is a natural human emotion that protects us from harm. However, when the fear of judgment prevents you from believing in yourself, traps you in a cycle of proving yourself, or leads you to seek validation and approval from others, adopting Wayne Dyer’s mantra becomes crucial: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” This mindset has truly impacted me.
4. Strengthen your inner validation
Maintaining a positive self-image despite external opinions requires increasing your internal validation.
By nurturing self-approval from within, you become less reliant on seeking validation from others. Embracing who you are, standing by your values, and acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses allows for resilience against judgments. Developing a well-formed sense of self-awareness fosters resilience, bravery, and self-acceptance that don’t rely on external validation.
It is essential to understand that seeking praise from others is a form of external validation. Receiving compliments and criticisms objectively without emphasizing either serves as a reminder that how you feel about yourself matters most. Therefore, don’t let praises dictate everything you do.
5. Reframe your fears
Constantly outrunning your fear of judgment can be draining. A helpful approach is altering how you perceive your fears by reducing deficit-biased thinking.
A powerful question to ponder is, “What if?.” Embrace curiosity in every situation. Ask yourself, “What is the best-case scenario? What is the most favorable thing that could happen at this moment?” Imagining the desired outcomes can transform your fears into excitement and build confidence in your abilities without relying on external validation or approval.
Reframing our fears whenever they arise, we break free from the limitations holding us back and reclaim our ability to embrace our potential. In those moments, we confidently publish our book, unveil our art, deliver a keynote, create a new course or launch our dream business.
When we stop caring about what others think of us, we reclaim our freedom and develop a positive self-image. It’s important to remember that not everyone’s opinions deserve equal attention. Some individuals may judge us based on their insecurities and limitations, aiming to diminish us. Others can teach us valuable lessons and motivate us to strive for our best selves as we navigate our inner critic and pursue our aspirations.
Source:
- Thornton, E. R. (2015). How Often Do You Judge People Unfairly? What Is the Cost? [Psychology Today].
Ready to transform your leadership and accelerate your business growth? Don’t stop here! Schedule a one-on-one session with Asmâa to dive even deeper. Together, we will unlock your potential, maximize business opportunities, and empower you to lead more effectively. Book your coaching session today!
